I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
