What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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