I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
