i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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