Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
