his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
