I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
