At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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