Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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