All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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