smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
COCAINE IS GR8
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
