you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
