ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
