I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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