Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
barbara walters just said penis...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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