Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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