Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i out mim tonsoeep
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