I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
