i just had sex bonerless
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
