heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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