I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
