I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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