you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
