i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize