remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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