I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
