i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
