Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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