I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
