Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
