I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
