was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
