Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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