Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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