So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
