Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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