if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
