everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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