Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
