um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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