remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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