I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
