Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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