I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
