I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
