Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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