I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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