please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize