A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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