So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
time to smoke my breakfast
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Edward fifth and chaser hands
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
