Kiss
Puke
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
