Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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