whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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