Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
