i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
