i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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