What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
