Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
