the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
